The Weekend (Days 11 & 12)

Old Things Healed, New Things Tried

On the hike, there is no hashing out
of how it used to be, there is just the river,
and the broken bridge rebuilt

downstream, only birds and the songs they make,
and the new green blades that push through
the detritus. Attention is the new ground

from which we will grow.  At home,
anything goes, the kids take risks
on blue cheese, banana pancakes, a new trick

on the trampoline.  We meet for virtual music
and linger, soft silences melodic, traded thoughts.
No point in filling the spaces with old stories,

time now to believe the black-capped
chickadee, the belt of Orion, to be a part
in a new kind of together.

This weekend was the beginning day of spring break. I went on a lot of walks with my friends and my family. Before this virus, I didn’t walk this much, I mean I had my sports, but I didn’t take the time to be outside in the fresh air on my own. I didn’t know how much I liked walking. Usually when I hang out with people we go sit inside. I’ve gotten to walk all over town which feels so weird because there is no one in town. It feels like a ghost town. We drove by the school and usually when I take that drive I have this feeling of really not wanting to go, but now when I drive by all I want to do is go back. This is probably good because now I will really appreciate going to school. I want to be back in class talking to people and I want to be sitting at the lunch table with my friends. I heard about how the coronavirus numbers are going down in China and I know we can’t legally make everyone stay inside, but I wish we could follow their path a little and get rid of this virus. Our numbers are going up so much and I don’t understand why people aren’t staying inside because they feel like they don’t have to worry. People need to realize that just because they can’t get sick, their loved ones can. They need to be careful. It’s so hard to stay inside but we will have to much longer if people don’t start being aware. I want to enjoy my spring break and I am supposed to be with my friends but now I can’t. But, I have to remember to be grateful that I can still walk around with my friends because some people can’t even leave their houses. I am so lucky but I really miss my people. I know that this will end, but it’s hard for me to not know how long it will go. 

On Saturday we woke up and my mom taught a class. We had a skillet for breakfast and I played games with my friends. After that we went on a hike with my dad and  it was fun to see him. On the hike we played football. I also threw the ball for my dog and found a stick to throw for her in the river. After that I did some tricks on the trampoline and we watched a movie called 1917. We then went to bed because we were tired.
Today we woke up and laid around the house in the morning. We didn’t do much today. after lunch we went on our daily hike and then came back. I played video games with my friends and went back out on the trampoline. I was sad because it was Sunday and on Monday we had to start doing our work from home again. Then I remembered it was spring break. My mom and I then watched a show and went to bed.

Day 4

A weekend.  That means that everyone gets to sleep in as late as they want.  No work or school.  It feels different from the weekdays despite the constancy of setting.

I taught a live yoga class online this morning.  I was super nervous.  I’m not sure where that came from… it felt very vulnerable for some reason.  As soon as class started however, that went away, and I dropped into teaching mode which was so soothing.  It felt very connected to be with everyone at the same time, even friends in other states.  I loved it.

Just the preparation itself was beneficial  – creating the space, planning the class, lighting candles, figuring out the digital platform, communicating with all the friends and famiy out there… I will do more of these.

Grandpa B. dropped off a bucked of dehydrated fruit on the doorstep.  He drove 1.5 hours roundtrip just to make the delivery.  So kind.  He knocked on the window during the last ten minutes of the yoga class so I jumped up to talk to him.  Sweet, beautiful imperfections inside of everything.

We are all connected in such a caring way right now.  Unprecedented.

We ate after noon – Saturday brunch!  Pancakes and bacon.

When the first flakes of snow started to fall, we walked to the soccer fields to play a game called thunder and lightning.  It’s a great soccer game variation because everyone can stay six feet+ apart.  It was just our family and two friends…we played several rounds.  Madden won both.  By the time we finished, the temperature was dropping, and the snow was coming down.

At home we watched JOJO RABBIT.  Fantastic film and especially poignant to watch during this time. The last frame is a line from Rilke:

“Go to the limits of your longing: let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”

Of course, the tears came.  The kids just expect me to cry during movies, but this especially was a beautiful crusher at this particular moment in our lives.

Had a video call last night with the San Francisco family.  Some of my oldest friends.  It was beautiful and just so precious to be with them.  I saw all of them a few months ago and we have been staying very connected through this.  What a gift, technology.  Meanwhile, the kids were both talking to their friends.  It was like a real Saturday night…everyone out with their people.

Sunday I will sort out the grocery options available right now.  Feeling less and less like I want to venture out into a market-environment. Lots of places are doing delivery or pick up.  It would be cool to have lettuce.

Day four felt easy because we didn’t have school. I got to lay in bed and talk to my friends all day. At one point we went to the soccer field and played thunder and lightning. This was hard because me and Eleni always hug each other when we both get out, but this time we couldn’t even get near each other. There were a couple moments where we almost forgot, But then we remembered and kept our distance. I thought that the weekend wouldn’t feel like a weekend because we are basically doing the same thing and I still have homework, but it still feels like the weekend. Maybe that’s just because these days are drilled into my head and the weekend will always be a break and I will always be waiting for it. These days are nice because there is no schedule. We wake up whenever we want, which for me means at around noon, then we go outside. There are no set plans and it feels really nice. I can tell that people are starting to see the hidden beauty of all of this. I’m beginning to see it too. I now have much more time for my art and for things that I love to do. I know this disease will eventually end, but at the moment, It feels like it’s never ending. It feels like I won’t ever be able to see my friends again. I know I will in time, but even in that time, will it still be the same? Will I still have that connection and good energy that I have with them now? Or will we not know how to handle ourselves? I’m a very social person so I think I’ll be able to make it out of this and live the same life. Even if it gets hard, having that mindset will get me through this self isolation thing. I talked on the phone with Anna for a little bit and I want to see her so bad. We used to have spring break plans together, but now we might not be able to see each other. I miss her so much and all I want to do is be there for her. Thinking about my friends makes me sad but I have to remember to come back to the happy thoughts.

Today we woke up and had pancakes for breakfast. We then laid around the house and at about 1 we went down to the soccer fields to play. After that we came back to the house. I was playing games with my friends online and we won 3 times in a row. then we watched a movie. After that we had chicken soup for dinner and went to bed early because we were tired.