Day 45

E:
Inside Outside

Stayin’ inside
more than we’ve ever been,
and I mean in ways more than these halls,
let’s get outside,
please can you tell me when
we’ll start making more windows than walls…

We are all in proximity,
in the vicinity,
inside these four walls that need painting.
Feels like infinity,
sometimes like divinity,
and all different kinds of relatin’.

We’re opened up in new ways,
we sit here inside our days,
reading and watching and waiting,
despair, death and data weigh,
the government makes delay,
while the president works for his ratings.

Despite everything we know,
we’re not sure where this will go,
our theories are all rearranging.
We’re up high and then we’re low,
the news is a gigolo,
sensation, seduction and baitin’.

I’ve shown you all my cards,
played endlessly in the yard,
we’re finding new ways of acquainting.
It’s lovely and then it’s hard,
I hope we won’t disregard
the new kinds of ways that we’re changing.

M:
We’ve made it over a month! I haven’t written every day, but that’s okay. I think about what it would be like to go back to school right now, and I don’t think I would like it. I’m perfectly content doing art projects all day and not being away from home for at least eight hours. In the beginning I wanted nothing more than to be back in school and to see everyone. Now I’m enjoying my peace and my alone time. I’ve become a more creative person and I’ve thought a lot about who I am and what I want to do with my future. During school I never had any time to think about anything other than school and soccer. I got up and left before the sun rose, and I came home after it had set. My life was a constant schedule and I felt like I zoned out for a couple months. Everyday felt like a dream that kept repeating over and over and over. During quarantine, even though the days are similar, I still use my free time to do different activities all day. I think throughout the day and I’ve opened up parts of my brain that I had no idea existed. I would never choose for this to go on forever, but for the time being I’m good. 

M:
My favorite team didn’t pick the player I wanted but they ended up getting someone much better so I was happy with the turnout. We went on another desert hike with my dad this time the hike was next to the river. We climbed on boulders and had a rock throwing contest. We ate really good food and I won the that game me and my mom play so she had to bake me a cake. My dog got dropped off at my moms house and I am spending time with her. She had been with my dad for so long that she took off after his car. I also went into town with my friend and we got free tacos and cokes. we ate them six feet apart then I went home. I have also still been playing online games with my friends.

Day 35

The first month has passed…

E:
The sky struggles
to procure the sun,
so we keep our faith
in springtime

and turn our faces
toward the rain.
New things are holy
now: Los Angeles

sings like an aviary
and electric starlight
dwarfs the house
next door; we shave

our heads in observance
of a Saturday night
hot dog eating contest;
nighttime fantasies

leave their fragrance
on the morning stoop,
a mood in minor key;
we dream

of our daughters,
of a cartoon pestilence,
a river, a romance;
guitar music

fills the evening and
empties the calendar;
a bald eagle moves closer
than the neighbor;

the children
are driving cars
on the back roads;
lovers curl together

and move apart, and
curl together; we wait,
we learn, we listen,
we play; and when

the world closes,
the heart finds
a new way
to open.

M:
We haven’t written in a while and I think that’s because we’ve adjusted to quarantine. I don’t feel the need to let my feelings out as often because they aren’t as emotional as they used to be. I’ve gotten my schoolwork completely under control which took a couple weeks, but now I feel much less stress and everything is easier. I taught myself organization and good study skills. Things feel normal. The only thing I feel I lost are my social skills. I know I can get them back but if I were to hang out with people, I think I would act different, I think everyone would act different. This is the longest I’ve ever been away from my friends since I was two. When I think about the worst part of quarantine I still think of my friends. But now thinking of them I don’t feel sad, I feel excited for the moment that we get to see each other. Why feel sorry about things you can’t control when you can look at the bright side and see the light at the end of the tunnel where we all get to hang out again and get back to our old life. Or maybe our new start.

M:
This week we set up the trampoline and with the new net it looks so much better. Rob was also here all week and that was super fun. We ate a lot of food. Yesterday I made hotdogs on the grill. they were all a little burnt but they were still good. My dad also came down and we went to the soccer fields and we played in my backyard. It was good to see him because I haven’t for awhile. I also hung up a signed football poster. The amount of school work we have has definitely increased. The NFL draft is on Thursday and I hope my favorite team picks Henry Ruggs. This year the draft is being held virtually so it will be very different from all the other years.

 

The Weekend (Days 11 & 12)

E:
Old Things Healed, New Things Tried

On the hike, there is no hashing out
of how it used to be, there is just the river,
and the broken bridge rebuilt

downstream, only birds and the songs they make,
and the new green blades that push through
the detritus. Attention is the new ground

from which we will grow.  At home,
anything goes, the kids take risks
on blue cheese, banana pancakes, a new trick

on the trampoline.  We meet for virtual music
and linger, soft silences melodic, traded thoughts.
No point in filling the spaces with old stories,

time now to believe the black-capped
chickadee, the belt of Orion, to be a part
in a new kind of together.

M:
This weekend was the beginning day of spring break. I went on a lot of walks with my friends and my family. Before this virus, I didn’t walk this much, I mean I had my sports, but I didn’t take the time to be outside in the fresh air on my own. I didn’t know how much I liked walking. Usually when I hang out with people we go sit inside. I’ve gotten to walk all over town which feels so weird because there is no one in town. It feels like a ghost town. We drove by the school and usually when I take that drive I have this feeling of really not wanting to go, but now when I drive by all I want to do is go back. This is probably good because now I will really appreciate going to school. I want to be back in class talking to people and I want to be sitting at the lunch table with my friends. I heard about how the coronavirus numbers are going down in China and I know we can’t legally make everyone stay inside, but I wish we could follow their path a little and get rid of this virus. Our numbers are going up so much and I don’t understand why people aren’t staying inside because they feel like they don’t have to worry. People need to realize that just because they can’t get sick, their loved ones can. They need to be careful. It’s so hard to stay inside but we will have to much longer if people don’t start being aware. I want to enjoy my spring break and I am supposed to be with my friends but now I can’t. But, I have to remember to be grateful that I can still walk around with my friends because some people can’t even leave their houses. I am so lucky but I really miss my people. I know that this will end, but it’s hard for me to not know how long it will go. 

M:
THE WEEKEND
On Saturday we woke up and my mom taught a class. We had a skillet for breakfast and I played games with my friends. After that we went on a hike with my dad and  it was fun to see him. On the hike we played football. I also threw the ball for my dog and found a stick to throw for her in the river. After that I did some tricks on the trampoline and we watched a movie called 1917. We then went to bed because we were tired.
SUNDAY
Today we woke up and laid around the house in the morning. We didn’t do much today. after lunch we went on our daily hike and then came back. I played video games with my friends and went back out on the trampoline. I was sad because it was Sunday and on Monday we had to start doing our work from home again. Then I remembered it was spring break. My mom and I then watched a show and went to bed.

Day 9

E:
A Day of Sun

A day of sun,
there will be snow tomorrow,
just like a Colorado springtime.

We pick sage along the trail,
my son tells running stories
the entire time,

I have nothing to do
but listen with my whole body
as mountain bluebirds

sing the backdrop.
When I talk to my lover later,
there are sweet staring pauses,

I watch his face on a screen,
so close but not
for touching.

The children make dinner together
they are soft with one another.
I dream of listening to the guitar

of my dead music hero,
while my friend runs her fingers
through my hair in the grass.

M:
Day nine was very nice and relaxing. I watched American Horror Story for a lot of the day, then I cleaned out the baskets full of random stuff in my room. I hung out with E then at the end of the day, I cooked dinner with my mom and brother. It was a nice and calming day. I obviously miss my friends, but we have been going on walks every day and that really helps me stay connected to them. I know this virus isn’t going to go away soon so I know I need to stop hoping, but we can still be hopeful that everyone stays safe and we make it past this. I’m so excited for when this becomes a thing of the past and we’re all back to our normal lives. I know that a lot of people in the US are not taking this seriously and that’s why it’s spreading so fast. At first I was so mad that I had to stay away from my friends, but now I’m grateful that I’m in one of the families that made the right choice. I want everyone to stay inside and keep their distance from other people because if everyone in the world did that for around two weeks, we could get rid of the virus. On the bright side, I have had a lot of time to do art and to do things that I wouldn’t normally have time to do.

M:
Today we woke up and did our schoolwork after that we went on a hike. I also played with my friends on xbox. When we got back my sister and I made dinner. We had a beef rice and cucumber bowl. I then played more games and after that we went to bed

Hattie Shares the Honey Wine

Hattie’s brother died
by his own hands,
she reads the menu,

says order the 50/50,
half of this and half of that,
and we use our fingers

to scoop Ethiopian wat
in soft injera sponges,
come for the open

mic, says Hattie,
it’s tomorrow night.
Hattie is a painter

of the old wall kind,
shaman of the fallen,
she peels off

the burned-out
boards, gives the dying
one more story,

day after day
splattered
in paint, patient

like Baltimore, like
slow jazz, sweet
as honey wine.

Got to Speak Your Mind

That old crow on the post, oh what’s she got to do?
She’s not thinking ‘bout the weather, she’s just looking at you,
but your minds so tied, you didn’t see her ‘til she flew,
let it fly, you got to speak your mind.

Up ahead there’s a track, it goes on forever,
and you’re ridin’ down the line through the storm and the weather,
and this train will take you places, through the plain and the pleasure,
on this ride, you got to speak your mind.

Cause this river is rising, gonna pull you in,
it’s about damn time that you learn how to swim,
why wait for it to take you when you could ‘a jumped in,
this time, you got to speak your mind.

There’s an old man sitting on the side of the tracks,
he’s got a dollar in his hat and fatigues on his back
when you give him two dollars, his blue eyes ask,
today friend, did you speak your mind?

The clouds are gonna gather and the rain is gonna come,
and the meanness and the lies will strike like lightning, like a gun,
but the truth will shine through like a rising sun,
every time, you got to speak your mind.

I don’t go to your church, you don’t like the Grateful Dead,
I want cheese for breakfast, and you gave up eating bread,
you’re lookin’ so serious, and I’m out of my head,
we both got to speak our minds, yes we do, yes
we all got to speak our minds.