Day 45

E:
Inside Outside

Stayin’ inside
more than we’ve ever been,
and I mean in ways more than these halls,
let’s get outside,
please can you tell me when
we’ll start making more windows than walls…

We are all in proximity,
in the vicinity,
inside these four walls that need painting.
Feels like infinity,
sometimes like divinity,
and all different kinds of relatin’.

We’re opened up in new ways,
we sit here inside our days,
reading and watching and waiting,
despair, death and data weigh,
the government makes delay,
while the president works for his ratings.

Despite everything we know,
we’re not sure where this will go,
our theories are all rearranging.
We’re up high and then we’re low,
the news is a gigolo,
sensation, seduction and baitin’.

I’ve shown you all my cards,
played endlessly in the yard,
we’re finding new ways of acquainting.
It’s lovely and then it’s hard,
I hope we won’t disregard
the new kinds of ways that we’re changing.

M:
We’ve made it over a month! I haven’t written every day, but that’s okay. I think about what it would be like to go back to school right now, and I don’t think I would like it. I’m perfectly content doing art projects all day and not being away from home for at least eight hours. In the beginning I wanted nothing more than to be back in school and to see everyone. Now I’m enjoying my peace and my alone time. I’ve become a more creative person and I’ve thought a lot about who I am and what I want to do with my future. During school I never had any time to think about anything other than school and soccer. I got up and left before the sun rose, and I came home after it had set. My life was a constant schedule and I felt like I zoned out for a couple months. Everyday felt like a dream that kept repeating over and over and over. During quarantine, even though the days are similar, I still use my free time to do different activities all day. I think throughout the day and I’ve opened up parts of my brain that I had no idea existed. I would never choose for this to go on forever, but for the time being I’m good. 

M:
My favorite team didn’t pick the player I wanted but they ended up getting someone much better so I was happy with the turnout. We went on another desert hike with my dad this time the hike was next to the river. We climbed on boulders and had a rock throwing contest. We ate really good food and I won the that game me and my mom play so she had to bake me a cake. My dog got dropped off at my moms house and I am spending time with her. She had been with my dad for so long that she took off after his car. I also went into town with my friend and we got free tacos and cokes. we ate them six feet apart then I went home. I have also still been playing online games with my friends.

Day 27

E:
snippets, haiku days 22-27

in isolation,
a young artist emerges
into herself.  grace.

impromptu walk with
a friend, six feet apart, a
lingering goodbye.

a world in fresh white,
earth’s cold blanket, and beneath,
committed green blades.

in the desert, all
etched things eventually
turn to dust, to dune.

Rescued by garage
storage, I say a soft prayer
for Easter grass.

teenagers hunt for
malted milk eggs as the snow
falls.  I will miss this.

a week’s worth of milk,
apples, cheese – the best part, the
delivery man.

M:
I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been doing a lot of other things, but I feel like I have important things to say. I mean not necessarily important, but I need to let my feelings out again. Time has been going very quickly. It’s already been around a month and it only feels like it’s been two weeks. School closed down a month ago today. I think time has passed so fast because I’ve been finding ways to keep myself busy. I got a lot of art supplies and more are on the way. I’ve been sewing masks and all of this really makes it feel easy. It makes it feel easy to stay inside and to be home all the time. I obviously still miss my friends a lot but if I pass the time quickly, all of this will end sooner. School feels simple but it also feels like a lot is being thrown at me at once all the time. I’m definitely ready for summer even if we are still supposed to be self isolating. I want school to be over. I’m really proud of myself for being creative and doing art. I’m proud that I’m not just sitting in my bed all day doing nothing. Rob got here today and it has been nice to have a new person here. We have had a great time with just the three of us, but a little change in energy is always nice. I think about what parts of the summer I will still have. Will this end during the summer or will it continue into next year? I didn’t have a bunch of plans for the summer, but I did have some and I really want to know which ones will still happen. I still feel sad but I’m continuing to do things that I enjoy and that’s making everything easier.

M:
The week we did Easter and had a lot of fun. I wrote a monologue and we went hiking with my dad. I also played a bunch of games with my friends.  My mom and I went on a hike too. We got a new net for the trampoline but we were missing the caps that go on the top of the poles so we ordered new ones.

Days 15-20

E…Snippets, Haikus:

Quarantined lovers
stand six feet apart, windy
Delta parking lot.

Between us, the two
clipped daffodils you brought, one
is me, one is you.

Two hours to the red
rocks, desert flowers bloom white,
plum, yellow, crimson.

A Mars planet, no
one on the roads, our spirits
lift by the river.

Support comes from the
most unexpected places,
these little graces.

A couple degrees
of separation – in all
directions, closer.

How vulnerable
we all are now, and not just
in our bodies.

Sunday morning, the
first day I practiced yoga
with a woodpecker.

Healing comes in the
form of two dimensional
faces on a screen.

Armageddon.  What
is that, music? An ice cream
truck, an empty street.

M:

Spring break – Six days 

Spring break was perfect timing for a relaxing break away from online school. I partly wish that they skipped spring break and just ended school early because that’s what Telluride did, but I know that this break was good for me. I don’t know if I’m ready to start school again but I feel like during this break I’ve gotten very organized. I now make my bed every day and I keep my room super clean. I think that I can dive back into school and really stay on top of it. I still really miss my friends. Like more than I ever thought I could. I really need that connection, but in some way I think we’ve made an even greater connection. We talk all the time and we have personal conversations that we don’t normally have. Anna was allowed to spend a couple nights at my house because she’s been in complete quarantine. That was really good for her and I know she needed it a lot and it felt good to be there for her and be able to physically hug her. My friends and I watch movies together and we facetime so I feel like our connection has gotten so strong. School has been easier and harder than I thought at the same time. Our assignments are easy, but it’s really hard to find the motivation to do them. I now realize that when my room is clean and my life is in order, I focus much better and my schoolwork becomes easier. We are going to start writing again every day and get back on our regular schedule. I’m very excited for school to end, but I know i’ll make it through happily and I’ll work very hard to keep my life in order. 

M:
The weekend review-
Over the weekend we did many things like going on a hike in the desert. We also got to see my dad on Sunday.  He came down to Ridgway and we played football. We also got groceries from the market. This time we got most of the stuff that we ordered. Rob was going to come but he couldn’t and we were sad that he wasn’t able to make it. We start doing school from home again on Tuesday and I really don’t want to. It is interesting how doing everything from home kinda feels normal now.