Day 35

The first month has passed…

E:
The sky struggles
to procure the sun,
so we keep our faith
in springtime

and turn our faces
toward the rain.
New things are holy
now: Los Angeles

sings like an aviary
and electric starlight
dwarfs the house
next door; we shave

our heads in observance
of a Saturday night
hot dog eating contest;
nighttime fantasies

leave their fragrance
on the morning stoop,
a mood in minor key;
we dream

of our daughters,
of a cartoon pestilence,
a river, a romance;
guitar music

fills the evening and
empties the calendar;
a bald eagle moves closer
than the neighbor;

the children
are driving cars
on the back roads;
lovers curl together

and move apart, and
curl together; we wait,
we learn, we listen,
we play; and when

the world closes,
the heart finds
a new way
to open.

M:
We haven’t written in a while and I think that’s because we’ve adjusted to quarantine. I don’t feel the need to let my feelings out as often because they aren’t as emotional as they used to be. I’ve gotten my schoolwork completely under control which took a couple weeks, but now I feel much less stress and everything is easier. I taught myself organization and good study skills. Things feel normal. The only thing I feel I lost are my social skills. I know I can get them back but if I were to hang out with people, I think I would act different, I think everyone would act different. This is the longest I’ve ever been away from my friends since I was two. When I think about the worst part of quarantine I still think of my friends. But now thinking of them I don’t feel sad, I feel excited for the moment that we get to see each other. Why feel sorry about things you can’t control when you can look at the bright side and see the light at the end of the tunnel where we all get to hang out again and get back to our old life. Or maybe our new start.

M:
This week we set up the trampoline and with the new net it looks so much better. Rob was also here all week and that was super fun. We ate a lot of food. Yesterday I made hotdogs on the grill. they were all a little burnt but they were still good. My dad also came down and we went to the soccer fields and we played in my backyard. It was good to see him because I haven’t for awhile. I also hung up a signed football poster. The amount of school work we have has definitely increased. The NFL draft is on Thursday and I hope my favorite team picks Henry Ruggs. This year the draft is being held virtually so it will be very different from all the other years.

 

Days 15-20

E…Snippets, Haikus:

Quarantined lovers
stand six feet apart, windy
Delta parking lot.

Between us, the two
clipped daffodils you brought, one
is me, one is you.

Two hours to the red
rocks, desert flowers bloom white,
plum, yellow, crimson.

A Mars planet, no
one on the roads, our spirits
lift by the river.

Support comes from the
most unexpected places,
these little graces.

A couple degrees
of separation – in all
directions, closer.

How vulnerable
we all are now, and not just
in our bodies.

Sunday morning, the
first day I practiced yoga
with a woodpecker.

Healing comes in the
form of two dimensional
faces on a screen.

Armageddon.  What
is that, music? An ice cream
truck, an empty street.

M:

Spring break – Six days 

Spring break was perfect timing for a relaxing break away from online school. I partly wish that they skipped spring break and just ended school early because that’s what Telluride did, but I know that this break was good for me. I don’t know if I’m ready to start school again but I feel like during this break I’ve gotten very organized. I now make my bed every day and I keep my room super clean. I think that I can dive back into school and really stay on top of it. I still really miss my friends. Like more than I ever thought I could. I really need that connection, but in some way I think we’ve made an even greater connection. We talk all the time and we have personal conversations that we don’t normally have. Anna was allowed to spend a couple nights at my house because she’s been in complete quarantine. That was really good for her and I know she needed it a lot and it felt good to be there for her and be able to physically hug her. My friends and I watch movies together and we facetime so I feel like our connection has gotten so strong. School has been easier and harder than I thought at the same time. Our assignments are easy, but it’s really hard to find the motivation to do them. I now realize that when my room is clean and my life is in order, I focus much better and my schoolwork becomes easier. We are going to start writing again every day and get back on our regular schedule. I’m very excited for school to end, but I know i’ll make it through happily and I’ll work very hard to keep my life in order. 

M:
The weekend review-
Over the weekend we did many things like going on a hike in the desert. We also got to see my dad on Sunday.  He came down to Ridgway and we played football. We also got groceries from the market. This time we got most of the stuff that we ordered. Rob was going to come but he couldn’t and we were sad that he wasn’t able to make it. We start doing school from home again on Tuesday and I really don’t want to. It is interesting how doing everything from home kinda feels normal now.

After A Day

I didn’t know how
to stop the conflict,
so I got out of the car
and walked up the road,
it was dirt, and the evening
was getting on, and there
were many beautiful grasses
growing in the summer dusk,
and there were things changing
all around us, and inside of us
and as the sun was setting,
we drove home in silence,
where we sat together on
the couch, under a knit
blanket and touched
limbs until bedtime,
falling toward the
soft knowing that
wraps the only
thing that
matters.

Paper Leaves

Last night
the wind came, swept beneath
all thoughts I had
of holding on.

And so it goes,
we all must fall,
the ground looks different
from up here.

You danced across
the window, dear,
behind the pane,
though not alone.

And now it seems
so long ago
I watched you open
toward the sun.

I can’t remember
how it felt
to be so green,
to be so young.

We’re changed,
not what we used to be,
we’re somehow lighter,
paper leaves.

Harvest Eclipse

Each year, I forget
how fearless
the eloquence of autumn,
these cell-humming yellows
that shatter the sky
in the sepia sunlight
of Septembers.

Again, winter is coming-
moving our bodies,
yours and mine,
one turn closer
toward that final night.
And despite this endless wheel,
or perhaps because if it,
my heart reaches up to the heavens
and erupts into one million
unexpected stars.

Give me the quiet
of a blood red moon,
pregnant in its proximity,
and no less sublime
for the darkness
it has become.